I've been hesitant to share this story because I don't want anyone to be discouraged after reading this. Please know that despite our rocky start, deciding to nurse Brooks has been the best, most rewarding thing I've ever done. I know I've given him a wonderful gift.
Brooks was born on a Saturday morning a little before noon, and we were ecstatic. I don't remember a lot of the details of that day specifically because I was so exhausted, but I know I had a lactation consultant come to our room to check his latch before they left for the weekend. "Looks great!" she told me, "A+!" [to which my dad said, "his first A+!"] He nursed every couple hours [at least] and my nipples were a little sore, but nothing major.
After we got home, we were nursing strong. I felt like I knew what I was doing. Right before we left to go to Brooks' routine pediatrician appointment, he refused to nurse from my left breast. I was very upset. The doctor told me to pump that side and keep trying to nurse him from it. [I remember coming home and crying "
but I don't want to pump!" Oye.]
I did it anyways though, and he still refused to nurse from that side. I eventually ended up going back to my OB/GYN to get a prescription for mastitis.
Not too long after my mastitis cleared up, my nipples began hurting.
Bad. They were cracked and bleeding, and I was crying every time Brooks nursed [which was all the time, of course, because he was a newborn]. I scoured the internet for different positions to try to help it hurt less. I had a lactation consultant come visit me, and a La Leche Leader. They both said the same thing-- his latch looks good, the pain will stop. They gave me loads of information and resources and support. The lactation consultant also noticed that Brooks had a high palate, which then led to hours of internet research about nursing babies with high palates [the consensus on the internet was
- ouch].
Meanwhile, it had been probably 5-6 weeks of excruciating pain with no end in sight. I wanted to quit SO badly. I remember thinking "this is why people stop. this is why breastfeeding is so hard." I cried and cried and cried. I tried every nipple cream created. I cried at the compound pharmacy while picking up my prescription for All Purpose Nipple Ointment (APNO). I took Brooks to see an Ear Nose & Throat Specialist, who looked at me pitifully and said, "I wish he had some sort of tongue tie so I could help you. But he doesn't..." I cried some more. The only thing that kept me going was the support of my family and friends. That and telling myself that I could NOT give up. I was staying home with Brooks now, this was my job. I knew I didn't
really want to take away the only thing that he knew, the only thing that brought him comfort, but
man did I want to!
I began pumping and having a family member give Brooks a bottle of breast milk once per day so that I could have a longer break [the pump didn't hurt as bad as his tiny mouth]. That gave me a little relief and peace of mind knowing that someone else could feed him if he was crying. I continued to nurse him through the pain, and as I began to stress less about it, it began to hurt less.
In the end, for us, the only thing that
really made things better was time. Time for his mouth to get bigger and for my nipples to get used to nursing. I think Brooks was around twelve weeks old when I finally felt like I didn't want to cry every time he latched.
And so, this post is dedicated to everyone who helped us get through those incredibly difficult twelve weeks. I could NOT have done it without you. I am forever grateful and so proud to say that we are still nursing at 17 months old. Do I know when he's going to stop? Nope. Whenever he's ready. As much as I wanted to quit 17 months ago, I have a feeling I'm going to miss it so much when it's gone.
